My Glaring Weaknesses

 

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16 (NIV1984)

            Last night I was at a music rehearsal for a women’s conference that is coming up at our church soon. As we rehearsed I was reminded again of my own musical weaknesses. I am not formally trained in music, but I’ve been involved in our worship ministry for more than 20 years, I’ve learned so much in those years, and I’m so thankful for those who have taught me so well.

I have to spend a good amount of time to learn a new song or to learn a harmony part to a song that I already know. I do not play an instrument, but I can “pluck out” my own part on a piano to help me learn it. All of the songs that we were working on last night are familiar except one, but since it was a singing group of only women, we were all learning some new parts to the songs. It always makes me a bit nervous when I’m asked to sight read on the spot. But, I’ve learned to just be honest and request a little help to learn it or just ask if I can stick with the melody until I can learn the part on my own time. It has always been a dream of mine to play the piano or to learn music theory well enough to sight read better, and I would still love to do that, but I’ve also learned that my main instrument is my voice. I would not want to forsake worshiping with my voice in order to play an instrument. I have always LOVED to sing and I am especially and extremely passionate about worship. Music that worships our Lord takes me to a place where I can experience a little taste of Heaven on earth!

            Well, back to my story...at this rehearsal last night I was surrounded by folks with varying levels of music ability, some who I would call brilliant musicians (you know who you are!), and others with more or less limited music skills than me. I started to realize just how inadequate I feel when it comes to sight reading music. Almost immediately, I let Satan get a foothold in my head and I started thinking about how inadequate I am in many other areas of my life. My head begin to spin with thoughts about things I never accomplished, about dreams that had died, about things that I started but never finished, and about how God could ever use “someone like me” to further His kingdom work. I was immediately bit by the bug of “not-enoughness” (yes, I know that is not really a word, but hey, it’s my blog right??) I let my mind continue to wander deeper into the dark woods of self-doubt. That’s not a happy place by the way! I really do not like wandering into the tall trees of insecurity. I lingered in those dark woods long enough and something snapped me back into the Light. Funny how all it takes to step out of the darkness is to take one tiny step into the light!

We had a little break while the pianist and worship leader discussed some details so I took that opportunity to sit down for a moment and rest. While sitting, God gently and lovingly reminded me that while I do have plenty of weaknesses and inadequacies, He is fully sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) He reminded me of the MANY times when I have felt and actually have been unequipped on my own to accomplish anything, yet, He is always able to give us all we need to complete anything that He sets before us. That has been the case throughout my faith walk, over and over again. I could write full books on the times that He has done that in my life! If He calls us to it, He’ll give us what I need to do it!

            Don’t get me wrong, I want to do all that I can to equip myself for God’s work, and to always work at growing in my gifts and abilities. I never want to stop learning. I love learning! (I still hope to learn more about music theory someday and I hope that maybe someone will help me with that J) But, I do not have to worry about being the strong one or the smarter one or about being the most brilliant musician in the room. What I do need to be concerned with is my heart, my motives and that I am doing all that I can do to offer the Lord my very best. That is what worship is – giving all we have, right where we are as an offering to Him, for His glory alone. He doesn’t want flowery gifts or fancy sacrifices, He just wants us and the best we have to offer, whatever that is. I do believe that I did that at last night’s rehearsal. I went prepared and I worshiped Him as we sang through each song and talked through the details. I feel so honored to have been asked to sing for this special event at our church and I pray that God will use me and my voice for His glory. I pray that others will be drawn to Him through genuine worship offered up by this small group of ladies and musicians.

I thought I had learned a long time ago not to compare myself to others. There is only one of me and only one of you and we are all special creations in God’s eyes. He made all of us uniquely and beautifully. We are His “workmanship”, created for a special purpose and His special work. (Ephesians 2:10) It is never a good idea to compare ourselves to someone else. It is also not a good idea to get caught up in the self-doubt game. Life is way too short for that kind of junk. We are a treasure in His eyes and there are so many out there who do not know Him. We need to get busy spreading the Good News. I find that when I am doing what I absolutely love, doing His work, that whether it is singing, coordinating our worship ministry details, taking care of my family, doing laundry, loving on someone who is hurting, working in our gardens, taking care of church business or dressing up like a nerdette for our youth group at church, I am always most fulfilled when I am doing it for His glory and purpose. Serving the Lord in my favorite areas brings me great joy! I pray that as I receive that blessing of joy in serving, that I will also be useful for His purposes. So, in closing, I want to say a couple more things. Do you have a relationship with Jesus? Do you know that God loves you and has wonderful purposes for your life? Are you connected with a local church where you can use the gifts and talents that He has given you? I hope so. J If not, please get connected now so that you can learn about the beautiful plans God has for you. So long insecurity, so long self. It’s time to press on in the work God has for us with confidence! (Confidence in Him that is!!) God bless you and thanks for reading!